


Of Secret Cities and Secret Friendships

by Cheeto_the_Cat



Series: A Series of Interludes: Niki and Sapnap [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dream Smp, Fluff, Gen, How many Sapnap friendships can I write in one fic? So many, Hurt/Comfort, Niki and Sapnap friendship rights, Niki's secret city rights, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Sapnap's goin through it emotionally, So many rants in this one, also cottagecore vibes, this is just barely canon compliant if you squint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28209894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeto_the_Cat/pseuds/Cheeto_the_Cat
Summary: Sapnap stood in the entrance of a cavernous home, unable to move.Adrenaline and some feverish stress had moved his body here, nervously following a set of coordinates that he had been given long ago, placing blind faith in someone he’d barely considered a friend.And now he was here.Sapnap doesn't know where to go after he realizes Dream didn't care about him more than he cared about Tommy's discs. He finds himself at Niki's secret city.
Relationships: Cara | CaptainPuffy & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound & Niki | Nihachu, GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Luke | Punz & Sapnap, Niki | Nihachu & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Niki | Nihachu & Wilbur Soot
Series: A Series of Interludes: Niki and Sapnap [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066427
Comments: 95
Kudos: 253





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend you read "A Guard and their Prisoner", as that fic kind of sets up why these two have a stronger friendship than in canon, but it's not really necessary. Enjoy <3

Sapnap stood in the entrance of a cavernous home, unable to move.

Adrenaline and some feverish stress had moved his body here, nervously following a set of coordinates that he had been given long ago, placing blind faith in someone he’d barely considered a friend.

And now he was here.

He started to tap his foot and the echoes resonated throughout the cave. He stopped tapping.

His bag was an uncomfortable weight on his back. His legs were itchy.

Sapnap didn’t know how long he’d been standing there, afraid to allow himself in, afraid he would be pushed back by some ancient force that would see him for the empty shell he was.

He should just leave, right? This was stupid, he should turn around, it wasn’t worth it. 

He couldn’t move, though.

He was just summoning the will to dislodge his feet from this spot on the floor, in front of this city, when Niki walked out into the hallway.

“Sapnap?”

She started striding towards him, her pickaxe dropping to the floor, clattering throughout the ravine.

Nerves coursed through him, rendering him electric and stripping him raw. His flaws laid bare for her, as they always were. 

“Why are you here? I mean it’s fine, of course, but-”

Her voice was kind and warm, so unlike those he’d been hearing, her face full of open concern and sympathy. There was no hiding in her expression, and the nerves slowly drained out of him. 

“I- I left. I could- I couldn’t do it anymore.”

Something inside Sapnap fell open, or apart, the tension that had strung him along for so long pooling around his eyes and down his face. He shut his eyes fiercely, determined to put on a presentable face for the first five minutes he was here, to not shove his burden onto Niki quite so quickly

And then warm arms wrapped tightly around him, finally quieting the thoughts in his head. 

Niki wasn’t quite as much shorter than him than he thought she was, and she was strong in her compassion. She slowly grasped the bag he was carrying and pulled it off of him, letting it fall to the floor. Another weight she had taken off his shoulders.

“It’s ok.”

He wrapped his own arms around her, finally breaking down, nodding feebly into her shoulder.

Because it was.

  
  
  
  


Sapnap slowly lifted a steaming mug of hot chocolate to his mouth, sitting with his knees tucked to his chest, leaning up against the stone wall of a room as he watched Niki’s methodical field work.

Her low ponytail swung back and forth as the blonde strands framing her face bounced in time with her work. She dragged her scythe over the ground, tilling and loosening the dirt, pulling small stones out as she went. Back and forth down the rows, forming a soothing rhythm of work. 

He felt guilty for interrupting, for intruding on this peaceful routine of hers, smearing his mess all over it. She didn’t care about him, truly, just extended the kindness she did for everyone else.

_I don’t give a fuck about anything_

Sapnap knew he was useless, that he didn’t serve any real purpose, but he thought Dream had cared in spite of that. That there was something stronger than utility bonding them together, a brotherly bond that stretched beyond politics and bloodshed, something that anchored the part of Dream that so rarely came out these days. He’d been wrong apparently, because when Dream had stood before Tommy and screamed there was nothing left of his friend. 

An empty shell, just like him

It seemed fit that they’d fallen apart simultaneously in the wake of Schlatt’s death. Or, rather, Wilbur’s death. Schlatt had died long before his heart failure caught up to him, another empty shell full of alcohol and quick-fixes for problems that likely would have been fixed if there was less alcohol involved. But Wilbur…

Wilbur had been their _friend_ , at some point, and so had Tommy, and Tubbo, and all of them, in some way. But now Wilbur was gone, and Techno and Tommy were missing a brother, and loss all of a sudden had felt much more real. Dream was desperate, Sapnap had come to realize, to push it away, recoil back from the thought that it wasn’t worth it. That there was still some way to salvage the mess they had all made, that things were better now with him gone, with the city destroyed. Because if it wasn’t, if he was wrong, then the constant undertone of mourning on the smp was his fault, it would destroy him. Empty: a man whose only intent was justification of past actions rather than creating new ones, fervent in his goals that were only an effect rather than a cause.

But Sapnap had become empty in such a different way. He vividly remembered caring at some point, he was sure, but towards the end everything had faded back into a sepia. Sometime after the 16th, when all was said and done and yet Dream was still moving on to bigger ambitions and plans, because he didn’t really want peace, did he, Sapnap had stopped caring. He’d walked through life half asleep, the idea of morals and justice slipping further and further from his mind because they had all felt so _pointless_. He was so tired of fighting wars and making treaties. He’d let his fish go in hopes of repairing his relationship with Tommy and now he was exiled, joined El Rapids in an effort to become involved in a movement he cared about before it fell apart as fast as it started. Nothing seemed to last.

He had counted on Dream as something that would. As something more primordial and rooted than alliances and enemies. And it was- rooted deep within them that is. It made it all the more painful when Dream had wrenched the system out of the ground, uprooting the tree and burning its branches. He didn’t really care.

Or maybe he did.

He probably did.

Just not more than he cared about the discs, apparently.

So Sapnap decided he wouldn’t care either. He fell back into messing with the pets on the server, the mindless violence that he was asked to perform. He knew it was wrong, even as he was going through the motions, putting on a character to feel as though he had some sort of control. But this was a fleeting coping mechanism, and the feeling of disassociation crept up inside him before long, as though he wasn’t really there, as though he wasn’t really actively doing anything.

And then suddenly he was packing his bags, shoving items in haphazardly without much thought given to organization, pulling out a sheet of paper Niki had handed to him so long ago with a simple set of numbers.

And as he was trekking through the thick woods, all he could think about was: _Is the first choice I’ve made for myself in months?_

_When was the last time I felt like I was awake when my eyes were open?_

Because Dream didn’t care so neither did he, but just the thought of Sapnap being little more than another pawn when he thought they were playing the game together makes his stomach turn and- 

A hand appears on his shoulder. Sapnap flinches hard, and the hand immediately retreats. He looks up and Niki’s clear grey eyes are looking down at him, eyebrows furrowed with concern.

“Hey, you zoned out there for a second, you good?”

She gently pried the mug from his hands, frowning slightly. Sapnap hadn’t realized it, but his knuckles were white from how hard he had been gripping it.

It was probably cold now.

“What-? Uh yeah, I’m fine, I think-”

Niki stared firmly at him, unrelenting.

He sighed. “I’m not, am I?”

She sat down next to him, laid an arm tentatively around his shoulders, relaxing when he leaned into the touch. 

“Wanna talk about it? What happened? Why did you leave?”

“I don’t know. That’s the weirdest part, I guess. _I don’t know._ ” The words came easier than he thought they would

“I was- I was talking to him, I think, and it just sort of hit me, y’know.”

“What hit you?”

“That I- I don’t know- that I’d given my soul away to someone who thought it was some sort of trinket.” He shrugged, trying to undermine the weight of his words. Niki’s eyes softened in response.

“Dream was just _yelling_ at Tommy, just absolutely going at him,” He shook his head, trying to recall it clearly, “about how he didn’t care about anything, or anyone, and I normally brush that off because it’s just an intimidation tactic and he’s _told_ me that but-”

“It didn’t feel like it was this time?”

“No. No, it didn’t.”

Niki leaned closer into him, lending her warmth and strength, urging him gently to go on. 

“And then, y’know, I see Techno.”

Niki breathes in sharply, but doesn’t interrupt.

“And it’s like- Techno is the scariest guy I know. He terrifies me, he terrified us all when he released those withers- but after the war, I guess-”

He paused to take a breath and stare at the mug full of cold hot chocolate Niki had placed gently to his side on the floor.

“I see him with Phil, and Tommy, and even Ghostbur, and he cares, so, so much about them.”

She nodded, slightly.

“It overflows into everything he does, like you just _know_ that if you hurt them, you would be dead. And he’s not _ashamed_ of it, I guess, he doesn’t pretend like it’s not there.”

“And Dream does?”

“He- it’s complicated. It didn’t used to be this bad, but he’s so _scared_. Scared that he’s gonna look weak I think, and that means that he can’t show attachment to me or George, right?”

Niki frowned, much more pronounced than before. “That’s not- I don’t think-”

But he couldn’t hear her anymore. “He can’t show attachment, which means we can’t hang out like we used to. And I thought ‘sure, that makes sense, ok’, but then it starts spreading to when no one’s around. He starts keeping the mask on all the fucking time, even when he doesn’t need to. He starts creating conflicts where there doesn’t need to be any, harassing Tommy for no reason, making Tubbo paranoid for the hell of it I guess.”

There was no stopping the rant now that he had started.

“And _then_ he makes George king and I think everything will be fine, and that he’s just putting up an act for our enemies, but then he says it’s just because he’s neutral- when- when that’s not even true! He’s part of El Rapids, he was in Schlatt’s cabinet! But Dream doesn’t _know_ that because he doesn’t _care_ , and it’s like he doesn’t even see anyone as people anymore, just pawns. And I just miss my best friend, y’know? We could have just left the area after the war, the world was large enough for that, but Dream couldn’t. He couldn’t even though George is tired and I’m tired and Tubbo and Tommy are so fucking tired and they’re _just kids_ and Wilbur is fucking dead!”

Niki flinched at his voice, and the statement, and all the anger that Sapnap had been building up quickly changed its colors to shame

“I’m so sorry- I didn’t mean to. I shouldn’t have yelled. Anyway, I just had to leave after, I suddenly felt like I just couldn’t stay there anymore.”

“It’s ok Sap, I understand.” And he knows that she does, but he also knows he should have known better than to yell.

“I wanted to say the same thing to Wilbur, so many times.

“Yeah.”

“Just tell him to let it go, to run away with us, away from all this.”

“Mhmm.”

“But I don’t think he ever really understood that we didn’t care if he couldn’t give us the world. He didn’t need to _try_ so hard all the time, we would have loved him either way.”

He nodded, because she had the words to say what he couldn’t.

“Because L’manburg isn’t really much without him anyways.” She sniffled and gave a watery chuckle. “It’s not really much more now than some buildings holding people who are there out of a vague sense of ownership, and I think he knew that. He knew it was gone, but we could’ve just left!” She threw her hands up in exasperation. “We could’ve started over in a new world, or just moved around a bit. Or- or- I don’t know, something! Anything, _anything_ , would’ve been better than what he did. He didn’t need to die to start over, and I wish I had known because I would have _told_ him that.” She paused, and continued in a much smaller voice.

“He didn’t need to get us our country back, didn’t need to be a leader. I don’t know why I even fought to get L’manburg back, I guess I thought it would help him, because that- that’s-”

He filled in the all-too-familiar words for her. “You just missed your friend.”

She nodded.

For all the words they had both said, it could be so effectively summarized in only five. 

They sat there for a while, staring at the ever-cooling mug of hot chocolate, looking over the freshly tilled fields that Niki had created underground. There was plenty of work to be done, but for now they would sit in the sentences they had laid for each other, the warmth of shared experience and validation of feelings too tempting to give up. 

“Why do we only ever rant when we talk to each other?”

“Ha- I don’t know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap adjusts to a new routine.

Time passed, and the routine Sapnap found himself in was growing increasingly comfortable. 

In the mornings, he and Niki would make breakfast, slowly and carefully, whatever they wanted to eat that day. Niki was a talented baker, and once the wheat and sugar from their farms began coming in she made all manner of pastries as he helped. Or, rather, tried to help.

_“Okay, so you’re gonna gently fold the berries- No- well no- you’re kind of, um squishing them, oh God, ok-”_

_Sapnap was near doubled over laughing as he tried to add the sweet berries into the muffin batter, clumsily pouring them in and stirring with a spoon._

_“I’m trying my best, ok? Leave a man alone with his berries, I’m doing a great job!”_

_He tried in vain to fold gently as not to break the delicate skin of the fruits, but he only found himself increasingly frustrated at his efforts._

_Niki was laughing now too, trying to gently move him away from the mixing bowl. “I’ve got it, you can sit back and relax, ok?”_

_Sapnap flopped onto a nearby chair, relinquishing control of the muffin batter, sighing. “I don’t know why I even bother trying, I’m no good at this.”_

_She continued folding, properly this time, as she responded. “You don’t have to be good at something to do it for fun, you know that. It’s a learning experience.”_

But Sapnap didn’t know that. His whole life had been a series of competitions, most good natured but still ever so present. You were either good at something or you did not attempt it at all, at risk of total embarrassment and humiliation. 

He didn’t think it was that bad, even towards the end, but he thought that maybe it had ruined him in some way, ruined all of them. It wasn’t perfectionism, per say, more tactical neglect of unworthy pursuits. George, out of all of them, had mastered it first. Revolutions and bloodshed didn’t suit him, too full of those fragile morals that were so finicky, and so he rose above them as though he were a deity. Detached himself cleanly and moved away, left Quackity behind to deal with the messiness of it all. When Dream found that speeches and sentiments weren’t for him, he retreated to the shadows, acting from there, manipulating carefully.

It didn’t just extend to this. Games were abandoned when they weren’t suited to their skillsets, projects left half finished when they became too difficult. The world became littered with ambitions that never fully grew, were never fully realized before one of them caught on to the fact that it would be embarrassing if they spent so much time on something that might not work. People were similar: Eret left out of their merry band when he got too close to the L’manburgians again, an allyship with Wilbur dropped the moment he became too self destruct to render himself profitable, Quackity left alone to deal with Schlatt’s alcoholic tendencies. Sapnap wonders if they would have abandoned him as an unfinished project, the embarrassing screw-up of the group who got attached to fish and was strangely kind to Tubbo when he didn’t need to be, the pyromaniac, messy and unstable, definitely not the choice they would have made now. They were just stuck with him. 

Sapnap didn’t think that it had made such an impact on him until now. Care for Niki was a badge of honor, commitment and attention were given without question. She would never leave something behind, and this had led them to the current point of frustration: Sapnap had mentioned off-handedly that he wished he could bake like her and she had excitedly clung on to the idea. And now they were here and it was so much harder than he thought it’d be and he was sure Niki thought he was stupid-

_Fingers snapped sharply in front of his face this time. “Hey- where’d you go? You ok? It’s just some muffins, you know.”_

_Niki was wearing her concerned face again, blonde tips brushing over her eyes as she leaned towards him. He nodded slightly to confirm he was okay, but he suspected he wasn’t convincing._

_She sighed softly. “Come back over here, let me show you how to do it properly.”_

_He felt himself walking over to the table, but it was like he wasn’t really there again. His head was far away, distracted by spiraling thoughts, until Niki grabbed his hand and wrenched him back into the present._

_She placed her wooden spoon firmly in his palm, directing it at an angle. “Alright, slowly, you’re gonna scoop at an angle, so you’re moving under the batter and folding up.”_

_Sapnap tried her technique, and found that it got easier the more he did it. Niki’s smile started small but quickly grew wide with a fierce pride, and he continued folding, this time much more gently. Scoop, fold, scoop fold, until slowly but surely the berries were evenly incorporated throughout the batter._

_“You’ve got it! See it wasn’t as bad as you thought, right?”_

_“No- actually it was terrible and I hated it-” He cut off midway to chuckle slightly, “just the worst!”_

_She punched him lightly in the shoulder._

_“Yeah, yeah, ok.” He exaggeratedly bowed towards her. “Thank you, Miss Niki Nihachu, for the tutorial. I shall bake the best muffins in all the land under your guidance.”_

_She giggled and curtsied with her flour covered apron “Yes, yes of course, Lord Sappitus Napitus.”_

_He wouldn’t bake the best muffins in all the land, if he was being honest, but maybe he was willing to let that slide._

  
  
  
  
  
  


Next, they would get to work on her city, different tasks for different days, methodical and predictable. Sapnap thought he would hate it, to be honest, the monotony of it all, the simplicity of work meant to build slowly into something worth having rather than sporadic attempts at substance that often fizzled out. They chip slowly away at stone walls, painstakingly measure and place wooden planks over the rough floor. Some days are dedicated to farms, others to more personal spaces like bedrooms and a kitchen.

He thought he would hate it 

And yet, he doesn’t.

He had always pegged himself as a man out for glory, seeking the next adventure, the thrill of battle and victory, the soundtrack to his mind a symphony of bold strings and boisterous brass. Always, blocking, parrying, talking, explaining, _fighting._

Sapnap fought to keep up, always striving to reach the branches Dream had climbed to at risk of falling behind.

Sapnap fought for glory, to prove he wasn’t a sidekick in a story that wasn’t even about them, out of some fervent desire to prove himself to God knows who.

Sapnap fought to fight, because he wasn’t sure he knew how to do much else, because he was afraid what would happen when he stopped.

Never stopping, never relenting, always fighting to prevent the thoughts in his mind from settling like the dredged up contents of a lake, allowing the water to clear and revealing exactly what was lying underneath the surface.

But here, underground, there is nothing to fight or run from. No pressure to keep up. No exhilarating highs and devastating lows, punctuated by moments of fear and panic.

It’s- nice?

He watches their cavern slowly transform from the glorified hole it was into a proper home. Learning proper building technique is hard but gratifying, and he lets Niki ramble to him about color palettes and the correct way to place floors and ceiling light fixtures. They’re under no pressure for time, so everything is carefully made with love and detail.

The lanterns that hang from the ceiling are painstakingly perforated with dozens of handmade holes that took hours to create, but when lit at night create constellations across the walls and ceilings.

The project takes days of work, but the end result is undeniably worth it.

The thick rugs that lay across the floors are knotted by hand, the wool used to create them shorn from sheep kept on the surface and woven into thick rope, the warm hues a result of copious amounts of dye.

Curled up near a fireplace, they spend many nights carefully weaving rope in a seemingly endless pattern, and Sapnap is surprised to find it soothing.

Chairs, tables and bed frames are all cut from trees in the surrounding area. Niki gladly gives him the position of resident lumberjack, and as thanks teaches him carving techniques she learned from old friends. The furniture starts out crude, simple enough to get the job done, as all his previous homes have held. 

However, rather than leave it be, once all of the essentials have been established, Sapnap puts those new carving techniques to use. Holding a blade as a tool rather than a weapon for the first time he can remember, they clean up the edges, straightening and sanding to produce clean rounded edges.

It’s all nice, but Sapnap’s favorite part is using the carving techniques for a different purpose.

Before long, flowers begin to adorn their kitchen table, curling up the legs and onto the top. Niki laughs gently when she comes to dinner one night to find that a whole garden has bloomed in the center, intricately carved blossoms surrounding their centerpiece. He carves thousands of tiny stars into his bed frame, then Niki’s; a sun marks his headboard to match the moon on hers. The designs are small, repeating, and intricate, and Sapnap could get lost in them for hours. 

Whatever pleasure he had yielded from fighting, this was not that. Swordplay was fire, adrenaline in his veins. It was fleeting, and he was seemingly forever stuck chasing that high. Carving was slow, meticulous, and the pleasure he gained from it was slow satisfaction from a vision come to life.

At Niki’s permission, all of their furniture slowly becomes covered with his ideas. Sapnap’s hands became more accustomed to carving knives and chisels as the need for more precise lines arose, and he spent more and more free time on these projects.

_“It makes sense that you would like this type of thing.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I dunno, it suits you though.”_

_Sapnap looked up at Niki from the floor, where he had been carving dozens of tiny leaves and vines into the trim of a simple bureau they had created for storage, taking in for a second how ridiculous the scene looked._

_“You think so?”_

_Niki knelt down, running her fingers gently over the indentations, tracing the patterns._

_“It’s beautiful, Sap. Much better than I can do.”_

_He laughed lightly. “That’s why you bake, and I carve.”_

_“Fair point.” Niki tucked back hair falling from her loose bun, shrugged her oversized cardigan back over her shoulders, and slowly stood up._

_“I’m gonna get dinner started, k?”_

_Sapnap ran his hand through his own hair, kneading his hands where they had grown sore from use. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a bit.”_

_“No need to rush,” she called over her shoulder._

_Sapnap smiled, knowing she didn’t understand the full weight of those words to him._

_“I know.”_

  
  
  
  
  


The work is slow, and often monotonous, yes, but rewarding. It’s not exciting battles or adventures, but it’s slow kindness and late nights. It’s warm sweaters knit from soft wool, hand painted mugs and bowls, and a home that’s finally made for _staying._ Everything about it implies longevity.

Sapnap has never had a home like this before, at least, not to this extent. The community house was a nice concept, but it was always more of an in-between, a place to store items while they were out fighting whatever needed to be fought that day. Attempts at bases in this portion of the world are so often futile, and his had been no different. The special care taken to hide this fledgling city was no accident, and he was ever thankful for it as he became increasingly attached.

It had yet to be discussed whether he was staying, or for how long, but the names carved into plates and cups to resolve bickering over whose dishes were whose had spoken for themselves. 

Then came dinner, often fish with some sort of vegetable and bread, and after this the nicely structured plan for the day slowly unraveled into sunset and eventual nightfall. 

Sometimes, Sapnap would return to carving, and Niki to knitting. Other nights, they would practice sparring in an empty room, trading hits to keep in shape. 

_“Don’t tell me you’re going soft, Sap.”_

_Niki smiled wickedly as she held the sword precariously over his throat, having bested him yet again._

_Sapnap groaned, shoving the blade away from his face and pushing himself up off the ground._

_“Ok, ok, again- let’s go.”_

_“If you say so.”_

_He would go on to beat her the next time, and then repeatedly ask to make sure she hadn’t gone easy on him. She would affirm this every time, patient, as she always was._

Fighting was slowly becoming fun, again. Of course there were moments when he swung his blade a little too close and saw a little too much of the last day, when his mind slipped from the cavern and back to the war-torn crater where he had cut down enemies, or maybe his friends, without a second thought. He would shake his head at Niki, slowly, and she would nod, and he would go and carve for hours without bothering to change or clean up. They wouldn’t spar for a few days, until his head felt clear again, knowing there was time to spare.

  
  
  
  
  
  


On the best nights, Sapnap and Niki went up to the surface and walked among the flowering forest that served as the surrounding area of their home. While they often walked up in the morning to get some much needed time in the sun, or to tend to the animals that Niki knew would be happiest above ground, it was no secret that Sapnap would always push for them to make it above ground in time for the sunset. 

_“C’mon, c’mon c’mon, let’s goooooo, Niki!"_

_“Sap- get a coat at least for God’s sake, please, it’s getting colder.”_

_Sapnap reluctantly clambered back down the stairs from where he’d been rather impatiently waiting, rushing over to the coat rack and pulling off the thick jacket._

_“Niki, we’re gonna be late-” he turned around to start jogging back to the staircase when he was ambushed by a hat._

_“Hey- whoa-” Sapnap protested as Niki shoved a woolen hat over his dark hair, matching her own._

_She gently chided him, “I didn’t want you to be cold,” She pouted her lips exaggeratedly. “Now come on, let’s go, don’t wanna be late.”_

_“Ohhhh my God, you are killing me.”_

They had managed to time it perfectly, in fact. The sky was ablaze with color, reds and oranges streaking across the landscape, bathing everything in an otherworldly glow. Even the flowers were cast in this light, seeming almost alien in their beauty. Sapnap breathed in deeply, and the scent of clean, vaguely floral air was present. 

Everything about this landscape was unmarred, untarnished by war. The trees stood tall and unblemished, beautiful arching branches that spoke to years of peace and time spent growing. Sapnap wondered if he’d ever have the chance to be like that.

_“It’s-”_

_“Beautiful, yep.”_

_Niki’s face was something carved out of marble, a statuesque portrayal of awe that he was sure a sculptor had created as an example of the purest form of joy. Sapnap was sure a similar expression was painting his own face at this moment._

_Sapnap blew hot air onto his hands, rubbing them together, until Niki silently handed him a small flask of a warm liquid. Upon taking a sip, he discovered it was hot chocolate. He laughed fondly._

_“You know me too well, Niki Nihachu.”_

_“Yes, I’m afraid so.”_

_“Gonna get sick of me one day?”_

_“You know I would never.”_

_He knew._

  
  
  
  
  


Finally, sleep. The last step to take before the arrival of another day. Long after the colors had faded from the sky, replaced by a glittering blanket of stars, they would head back down the stairs, lighting the lanterns that would bring the same stairs over their ceiling. They had opted to place their beds in the same room, out of security and comfort, with the added practicality of a shared fireplace. 

Sleep came easier than it had in a long time, to be fair. Most nights were peaceful, sleep claiming the both of them in a matter of minutes after a day bustling with activities. Buried under soft blankets and the warm crackling of the fire in the background, it was certainly a comfortable environment. 

However, the comfortable environment did not always stop nightmares. The jarring visions of battle and Dream’s smug face would wake him up gasping for breath, orange flames and exploding buildings leaving him sick to his stomach. They were gradually growing less frequent, sure, but still ever present. 

Sometimes, he would be awoken by Niki, and look over to see her sat up ram-rod straight in bed, eyes wide, gulping heavily. He would stride over and rub her arm gently, bringing her back to the present, knowing that in many ways, they were held captive by the same things.

No matter whose nightmare it was, they would trudge slowly to the kitchen area, moving through the motions of heating milk and melting chocolate. It was weeks, maybe months before they actually spoke about what they had dreamed of, afraid to cross unspoken boundaries.

_“What do you see? In your dreams, that is.” Niki spoke from behind a mug, voice sleepy and soft but uncharacteristically frustrated at another early morning her mind had forced her awake._

_“My friends, mostly. Sometimes in battle, but sometimes not. It always ends the same though- they tell me to leave, to get out. That I’ve ruined everything, somehow. It’s their faces- but their voices always sound like mine.”_

_“What do you do?”_

_“I can’t move. I just sit there and stare, and they yell at me- and if- and if I try to turn around,” His eyes began to sting and he stared hard at his mug of hot chocolate, “I can’t. And if I manage to, I just wake up.”_

_“Hmm.”_

_“Gonna psychoanalyze me?”_

_Niki shook her head. “Nah, maybe another time. Too tired right now.”_

_He laughed weakly. “Yeah, ok.”_

_“What do you see?”_

_“In my dreams?” She sighed. “Wilbur. Everytime.”_

_“And what do you do?”_

_“In my dreams?” A lifetime flashed over her eyes._

  
  
  
  


_“I get to save him.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I'm living vicariously through Sapnap's cottage core fantasy?
> 
> I really appreciate comments, so go crazy, I would love to hear all your thoughts. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a few days, he could almost forget that George could show up any second now, unannounced. Unfortunately, this meant that when two sets of footsteps descended down their stairs rather than one, Sapnap was caught wholly unaware.
> 
> Their city receives a visitor, despite Sapnap's reluctance. It goes well, then poorly, then well again.

It’s a few months before either of them work up the courage to acknowledge the outside world to each other. The home they’ve created isn’t a fragile one, but they’re both experienced enough to know that nice things are easily ruined when one isn’t careful.

The first time Niki brings up the concept of visitors, it’s awkward and fumbling and so earnest. Sapnap knew she traveled back to L’manburg occasionally for the things they couldn’t make or get themselves, but he himself had always elected to stay home.

_“Hey, Sap, can I run something by you?”_

_It’s another late night for the two of them. Niki’s knee deep in preserved and pickled vegetables, jellies and jams, preparing for colder weather. It’s not a necessity, as there are types of food that will grow all year round here, but more of a delicacy. Sweet berries grow best during the fall, and she’s making the most of them while she can._

_Sapnap is engrossed in his carvings, yet again, although now he’s turned to intricate designs on Niki’s wooden spoons due to a lack of unmarked furniture; the set he’s working on right now details the phases of the moon up and down the handles, and he’s determined to perfect them._

_At Niki’s words Sapnap paused from his work to look up, curious and a little worried as to what she had to say. “Yeah, of course.”_

_She paused as well, looking over at him and frowning slightly. “George is worried about you, I think. Karl too.”_

_“Okay.” His response is clipped, tense, but not aggressive, and Niki tentatively pushes the conversation forward._

_“And- well, I want them to know that you’re ok, I think. And, well, maybe one of them could come visit, I guess- if you’re comfortable with that. They could see the place, y’know, see that you’re fine. And if that goes well, well then maybe I, maybe I could invite like, some of my friends, I guess.”_

_Niki’s voice is calm, but he knows her too well, and gets what she’s saying all at once. Her speech is given with an air of nonchalance, but he can tell that she’s been thinking about this a lot, given the way she looks down, brow furrowed._

_“You miss your friends, don’t you?”_

_She sighs. “I didn’t want to say anything, but yeah. And I figured we should start with someone you know.”_

_It wasn’t fair to her, he supposed, to claim residence of her home and subsequently make it so she would be stuck with him and only him forever. What a miserable existence, he vaguely thought to himself._

_“You could’ve said something earlier, you know that.”_ _  
_ _“We don’t have to if you don’t want to-”_

_“Nah, nah, nah, it’s probably a good idea.” It definitely wasn’t._

_“Really?” Niki’s eyes lit up, as much as she may have tried to hide it from him. “Ok, who do you think would be best to come visit?”_

_“George, probably.”_

_“You sure?”_

_“Yep,” said with a popped ‘P’. He picked up his scalpel and began carving again._

_“Liar.” Niki began striding over to him with purpose, stopping in front of his hunched over form._

_“Not lying.” Sapnap really just wanted to drop it. He would make the decision to humor her, suffer the awkward visit, and they would move on._

_“Well you’re certainly not excited about it.”_

_“Can you blame me?”_

_“Sap, it’s not a big deal, we can forget it if you want to.” Yes, and then the guilt would slowly eat away at him, until it boiled over into something bigger and ruined his life again._

_“No- no it’s fine, I can’t hide from the world forever, I suppose.” That_ was _true, to be fair._

_“Really?” Niki’s voice seemed uncertain and afraid, cautious. Sapnap stood up and turned, wrapping his arms around her as she leaned into his shoulder._

_“Yep, no need to worry.”_

_She hummed an affirmative against him, and he gently chuckled. No need to worry._

  
  
  
  


There was much need to worry. 

Niki had told George that he was welcome over anytime, pressing a piece of paper with written coordinates in his hand, like she had for Sapnap so long ago. He thanked her, seemingly sincerely, and promised to stop by soon.

It had been a few days since then, and the threat of George’s presence loomed over him like a foreboding cloud. Sapnap had been repeatedly reminding himself that this was _for Niki_ , and that it wasn’t a _big deal_ , and that it was _just a visit._ He honestly didn’t know why the thought of it panicked him so much, it wasn’t George’s face that haunted the majority of his nightmares. In fact, he missed George quite a bit- missed his odd but consistent sense of humor, the way he had always been the grown-up of their group. 

But that flimsy anticipation was so far overshadowed by some sort of fear that it would be horrible. 

That it would feel wrong and _weird_ and then the feeling would linger after and it would all be ruined. And Niki would see how George looked at him and see him the way he was so sure George did and suddenly his wood carving would be wrong and _weird_ and his nightmares would be stupid and he wasn’t sure how she hadn’t gotten sick of him yet so adding any new factor would be dangerous. 

And he knew, God he knew, that those thoughts were just his worst impulses speaking. 

That he had trained his brain to think of the worst before anything else, and this was a much more dramatic and unrealistic version of what was likely to happen.

He was proud of himself for recognizing that, now. 

Even if fear still clutched at his stomach, he could see it for what it was: irrational, and not to be given more attention than needed.

So, Sapnap continued on with his life, building and carving and bickering with Niki over the practicalities of adding a skylight. For a few days, he could almost forget that George could show up any second now, unannounced. Unfortunately, this meant that when two sets of footsteps descended down their stairs rather than one, Sapnap was caught wholly unaware.

  
  
  
  
  


All things considered, George thought his social skills were fairly impressive. Awkwardly skirting across any sensitive topic of conversation as he and Niki traveled to the apparent “secret city” she’d been building had been difficult but manageable, though likely aided by her pleasant demeanor.

She led them across rivers, over hills, and through thick woods, before eventually coming across a flowering forest: a beautiful landscape dotted with blooms of all colors.

But despite the idyllic surroundings, the knot in George’s stomach was growing ever larger. He had enthusiastically accepted Niki’s offer to visit, as a way of alleviating the immense guilt over how Sapnap had left: suddenly, without feeling the need to tell anyone. George had known that things with Dream, were getting, well, _tense_ , to say the least, but it’d been like that before. 

Sapnap had run off after arguments, before, blowing off steam after Dream had done something particularly stupid. But it had never stuck this long before- and George was getting concerned.

They had always been a trio, tethered together by Dream’s unstoppable energy and fierce ambition- the sun they all circled around. They’d fight, of course, but they would never be gone for long, inevitably drawn back into the gravity of Dream’s orbit.

He would visit, convince Sapnap that this was foolishness, that he should just come back, and everything would be normal again. 

That train of thought didn’t help his unease as Niki led him down a trapdoor, down well worn stairs.

It certainly didn’t help at the entrance, when the scent of comforting herbs and spices wafted from the door, and warm lantern light exuded. It seemed like a home, not the desperate scene he’d been expecting.

“Niki?” Footsteps moved towards them, and George remained frozen in his place at the sound of his friend’s voice, soft and relaxed.

Niki looked at him, almost guiltily, before stepping out into the cavern, abandoning him to this horrible awkwardness.

“Jesus, you’ve been gone all day, plotting your escape or something?” The words were harsh, but he could see Sapnap smile as he pulled Niki in for a hug. The simple fondness rearranged a million thoughts in his head. 

For a moment he was trapped in stasis, forced to watch what must be a daily routine for them. That is, until Sapnap noticed Niki’s anxious eyes and stance and looked up, eyes falling on the person glued to the doorway. His eyes widened, letting go of her and standing up straight, questioning.

“George?”

Oh _God_.

“You look different.”

In George’s defense, he did. 

Sapnap was wearing a loose sweater rather than tight knit clothing made for combat, dark hair flopping into his eyes rather than tied back with a bandanna- but none of that was truly shocking, just cosmetic changes.

Something in his posture was different, more relaxed- some sort of peace that wasn’t there before. His eyes the same shade of brown he’d always known, but the familiar bags under them lacking. They’d looked at Niki with such open fondness.

He looked years younger, if he was being honest. Like a different person.

Sapnap awkwardly clapped his hands together, shuffling from foot to foot, pulling George back into the present. “Well, um, wanna see the place?”

“Sure.”

  
  
  
  
  


Sapnap tried his best to be a good tour guide, showing George around their home. Starting with the entrance, through the farm rooms, the kitchen, the living room, the bedrooms. Then onto outer rooms: storage facilities or areas yet to be designated a specific purpose. If George had questions, he kept them to himself, politely smiling when it was appropriate. 

All the feelings quietly kept behind closed doors, hiding under a facade as George had always done. Once, he had been privy to the man behind the curtain, tucked carefully away to prevent anyone from seeing. He, like everyone else, was just a human, and underneath even that facade, just a kid who wanted to play dress up with the grown ups. A kid who laughed at dirty jokes and stupid punchlines, who was stubborn about the strangest of things and had no care for others in the slightest. 

Now he was firmly on the other side of the fence, staring back at them with a blank expression betraying no emotion other than vague contentment. He looked the same as he always had- collared sweater, short dark hair always a little closer cropped than you remembered, a straight nose and thick brows that gave an air of regality and intimidation. And yet- there was a sense of awkwardness to his stance, an unsureness that wasn’t there before.

It bothered Sapnap- the uncanniness of it all, the approximation of his friend that wasn’t quite there. 

A portrait, even done by the most talented artist, could never quite compare to the real thing. 

But it wasn’t horrible, which he was thankful for. It wasn’t even bad, honestly, more stiff than anything else.

Niki followed them, enthusiastic in a way that suggested she was trying to compensate for springing such a surprise on him. He appreciated the burst of energy she brought to the conversation, but he didn’t appreciate the way his two lives were clashing.

Niki knew a Sapnap that carved wood for hours at a time, that was excellent at making pancakes and certain soups but couldn’t mix muffin batter to save his life. She knew the person that couldn’t always last through a sparring session without old memories being dredged up, that woke up in the middle of the night with masks and matches burning in his head. 

But she also knew the person who had grown. 

George didn’t.

George knew a reckless Sapnap, uninhibited by the morals that seemed to follow him everywhere. The one who spent more time holding a sword or lighter fluid than he did with his hand empty and resting, who would follow Dream to the end of the earth with a smile. His golden days, the ones where he won wars and tournaments, the ones that were long behind him. 

He didn’t quite know how to reconcile the two impressions.

The awkward tour somehow became an awkward dinner, because _of course it did_ , and Sapnap resolved to end the night as peacefully as possible. 

  
  
  
  


Niki cut into her fish with a vengeance. “Um- this salmon is really good, don’t you think?” Dinner hadn’t been tense, per say, but there had been weird lapses in their conversation, uncomfortable pauses that needed filling.

George hummed an agreement, poking around the potatoes and asparagus on his plate.

Trying for a joke, Sapnap said “Yes, it’s epic, wouldn’t you say.”

George nodded primly. “Quite epic indeed.” His lips quirked up at the corners, eyes sparkling.

Sapnap lasted about two seconds before bursting out laughing, George quickly following suit. Niki smiled softly.

Suddenly, the hesitancy of it all faded, just a bit. 

This was going better than expected.

“Keeping up with sword fighting, Sap?”

He shrugged, “Y’know, here and there. Niki’s been kicking my ass when we practice, though.” Niki’s pleased smirk was visible from across the table.

“Damn, guess we’ll have to spar sometime, Niki. Sapnap’s not half bad. Even if his shield blocks are sloppy at best.”

“Wait- you’re _totally_ right! He is, and his footwork?” She collapsed into a fit of giggles. “It’s horrible. And the worst part is, he doesn’t even call it footwork? He calls it his _movessss._ ”

Sapnap had his hands over his face in embarrassment.

George joined, laughing right along with her. “Oh my _God_ , one time we were on this weird realm, where all the blocks were see-through, right? And Dream is just losing it because I said something dumb-”

“Wait- wait- wait- hold on- context needed. Dream fell in this hole, and George, _like an idiot_ , says-” Sapnap cut off to try and contain his laughter, “He says-” another pause, “ _You fell down my trap!”_ He quoted the line in a horrible mockery of a British accent.

Now Niki is properly chuckling along.

“Yeah yeah, anyways. Dream is _dying_ , and Sap over here is going to throw an ender pearl, and- and he just goes ‘let’s go outside and _CHUNK_ it. Just like- out of the blue, for no reason!’” George is near crying laughing at this point, and Niki isn’t far behind, slapping her palms on the table, nearly doubled over. 

“Ohhhhh my God Sap, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because- because it’s embarrassing- alright.” Sapnap’s still chuckling, trying and failing to be mad. 

Niki looked at him doubtfully. “Sure, but I’ve heard way, _way_ worse from you before.”

“Yeah _right.”_

“Ok- literally every time we need to clear out dirt, he accidentally calls his shovel-”

“-a SPOON?” 

Niki jumped out of her seat from excitement, pointing at George. “Yes! Why?! Where does he get that from? It confuses me every time!”

“I have no idea, but- but he’s always done it!” George’s voice is high pitched and squeaky from laughter, the awkwardness of the previous hours long forgotten.

Sapnap leaned back in his chair. “I never should have introduced you two to each other, you’ll just spend the rest of eternity teaming up to roast me.” But as he said it, he was smiling- Hell, he wanted to massage his cheeks from how much he’d been smiling.

“Yeah- what’re you gonna do about it?” George had one eyebrow cocked like he always had when they were younger, and it was so familiar, so casual, that for a moment everything was perfect and wonderful again. The two Sapnaps inside of him felt as though they were one.

He shrugged with a knowing smile, “I dunno, speak gooder, I guess,” And then they were all howling with laughter once again.

Once calmed down, Niki jokingly pouted, like _she_ always did, and said “Nah Sap, we like you just the way you are.”

Perfect and wonderful.

  
  
  
  
  


The playful banter continued on for a while longer, before Niki eventually rose from her seat, grabbing the empty dishes from around the table. 

“I’m gonna start cleaning up, alright? There’s plenty of sweets if you want dessert, otherwise, just feel free to relax.”

Sapnap rose at the same time, trying to offer to help, but Niki brushed him off, insisting he stay back and talk to George. That left the two of them to retire to the living room, laid back in the pair of armchairs he and Niki had fashioned, the good mood still hanging over them. 

But while Sapnap hasn’t seen George for a while, he knows his expressions better than most. He can tell he’s nervous, that he’s thinking, that he wants to say something, and vaguely wonders what it is. They talk about life, reminiscing over more stories, and Sapnap begins to think that maybe it was just the lighting deceiving his eyes.

Until George, out of the blue, said something neither of them thought would be a good idea, and Sapnap wishes he had never said anything at all.

“You aren’t coming back, are you?” 

_What?_

Sapnap laughed nervously, wondering if he could ignore what George just said, desperate to hang on to the pleasant atmosphere they had somehow found.

“What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ , you’re not coming back, are you?”

When Sapnap had nothing to say, he continued.

“I mean, this place is a _home_ Sap, it’s not meant for leaving, is it?” George scoffed, and it felt strangely bitter.

“You don’t wanna leave here, do you? What with the carved furniture, the personalized mugs. This is the nicest place than you’ve ever had, huh?” 

The conversation had taken a rapid turn, and Sapnap wasn’t sure how the change had happened.

George picked dirt from underneath his fingernails, looking down. “You know, I thought you would be gone a day, tops. That you would come back when you got tired of being alone. And then you didn’t come back?” He frowned, almost imperceptibly.

“And you didn’t come back, and Niki tells me that you’re with her. Not alone. And I think, ‘ok, he’s just sleeping on the couch, just absolutely miserable. I just need to ask him to come _home_ , and he will.’ And then I get here-” He sighed, deep in thought. “I get here- and you’re happy. Like really happy. Like- I haven’t seen you this happy in so long, in this stupid sweater, in this _stupid_ cave, _with Niki._ And I thought you didn’t even like her! I thought you hated her!”

He looked at Sapnap then, and his dark eyes were a swirling mix of anger and a deep, deep sadness. 

“Did you hate us that much? That you were just looking for an excuse to leave?”

Sapnap sputtered, because _No, of course not, I could never hate you_ , but he didn’t have the words. “I don’t- no- that’s not why I-”

“Why _did_ you leave?” George’s voice suddenly grew soft, trembling. 

Sapnap, not knowing what to say, neglected to answer, and instead fired back his own series of questions.

“Is that the only reason you came here, then? To tell me to come back? Did you think I was just going through some sort of phase? That I was just a toddler who wanted to throw a tantrum?”

Sapnap pushed himself angrily out of his chair, wanting to walk away before he said something he regretted.

“In my defense- this has happened before.”

Sapnap whirled around to face George, unwilling to let a statement like that slide.

“Oh, come _on_ , you know it was different. You saw how Dream was, you’d have to be stupid not to.”

“You know he’ll calm down eventually.” But George’s voice was wavering, as though he himself knew that was a flimsy defense.

“He exiled Tommy, he’s been manipulating Tubbo, he practically killed Wilbur-”

“That was Philza-”

“It was Dream and _you know it_.” Sapnap sat back down in his seat, feeling guilty for what Niki must be overhearing right now, his worry for her outweighing his anger at George.

“Listen. I just couldn’t do it anymore, ok?” He tried for a calmer tone.”I was so tired of following Dream when he acted like he didn’t care about us, I barely felt awake most of the time.”

George sighed. “I get that, but running away? You could’ve at least told me.”

“I panicked, and Niki was the first person I thought of. I knew she would understand.”

George looked vaguely confused, but apparently decided against questioning it. He said again, in that small voice “I thought you hated us.”

Sapnap shook his head. “I think I hated myself, more. I’m happier now- I think. Better here. I never hated anyone, especially you, George. I’ve missed you.”

He saw a frail but genuine smile come to George’s face. “You do look happier. It’s written all over you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. This is a beautiful place, too, to be honest. The furniture is insanely impressive.”

“Thanks, I kind of got obsessed with it. It’s calming.”

“Wait? The carvings are from _you_? Damn, I thought it was Niki or something. You’re like, really talented, Sap- how did we never know?”

“I never had the time or place, I guess.”

He thinks of the trees in the flowering forest, tall and unblemished. Time spent in a better environment, he supposed.

“Hey.” George leaned forward in his chair, speaking softly. “You’re not coming back, are you?”

And something in Sapnap realized that he had never really considered it either way. He was here now, and he and Niki were preparing for him to stay later, and truth be told, he didn’t want to leave. This wasn’t a panicked decision made out of fear anymore, this was his _life_.

He found he quite liked it.

“No. At least, not right now. My place is here.”

George nodded, once.

“But you have to visit, sometimes. I wasn’t lying when I said I missed you, George.”

“I’ve missed you too, Sap. And I will, if only for the fact that Niki’s an excellent chef.”

They hugged, briefly but sincerely, and Sapnap can feel both the distance and the closeness all at once. Still brothers, he thought. Definitely still brothers.

  
  
  
  
  


George says goodbye to Niki, and starts heading towards the exit of their home. He turned around to survey the area one last time, and saw the pair doing dishes, side by side. Sapnap would be fine. He wasn’t gone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! George and Sapnap rights this chapter! Also, Happy New Years y'all, here's a treat for it
> 
> I really appreciate comments, so go crazy, I would love to hear all your thoughts. <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More visitors come to, well, visit, and Sapnap continues to reconstruct his relationships.

With the dam of tension that was George’s visit broken, other friends slowly began to seep into their life. The secret city because less, well, secret, and more _secluded_ , if anything, the knowledge of its whereabouts widely known but rarely discussed.

Their home became cluttered with the evidence of _more_ :

A bouquet of snowdrops and greenery are left on their dining table.

_Niki stumbled through the door, laughing, pulling a white haired woman along with her._

_Sapnap looked up from his carving, no longer as startled by a visitor at the door. He recognized the mane of fluffy curls and well tailored, crimson peacoat- a newer member of the server, one who joined post-war._

_“Captain Puffy, I assume?” He rose to meet her, shaking her hand firmly as she chuckled heartily._

_“The one and only. Sapnap, right?” He nodded._

_“It’s nice to meet you, finally. I’ve heard all about you from Niki, seeing as she stops by my flower shop so often.” She looked sideways at Niki then, who giggled lightly. Was she blushing? Maybe._

_“She finally agreed to let me come visit, meet the infamous roommate.”_

_“I’m infamous?”_

_Puffy laughed loudly at that, her curls bouncing and flying everywhere. “Well, not_ infamous _, of course. Just, I don’t know anything about you, it’s kind of ominous, y’know?”_

_He smiled in response._

_Sapnap found that Puffy was a good conversationalist, seated around their table sipping mugs of hot chocolate and idly chatting. She was kind, quick to laugh, and so unburdened by the weight this server seemed to place on everyone’s shoulders that it scared him. But all of this was expected. What wasn’t expected is how nice it feels to introduce himself as his own person, with no accompanying pieces._

_Puffy joined the server far too late to see the glory days of the Dream Team, and thus didn’t connect the pieces of the ominous looking man with the mask, the nonchalant diplomat with the glasses, and the, well, whatever he is._

_He’s just- Sapnap. Niki’s roommate. A poor baker and a better wood carver. Someone trying to be better and maybe for once in his life actually succeeding in it, in some fashion._

_With Puffy, it almost felt like pretending at first. He felt as though she was being tricked by him, that he should give a disclaimer that “Yes for a while I was in a codependent friendship and I don’t think it was abusive but it certainly wasn’t healthy and now I have a kind of fucked up relationship with fighting and war but I’m trying my best I promise.” He wants to give her a chance to run, to be scared of him._

_But he doesn’t._

_He sits there and drinks his hot chocolate and discusses where he’s traveled and where he wants to. He doesn’t let Dream hang over him and dictate yet another relationship, no. Instead, he listens to Puffy talk excitedly about flower language and give him ideas for new species to carve._

_It’s nice._

_She gives the flowers to them when she leaves, and Niki looks at him and comments that he seems happy, and he responds that yes, he is._

  
  
  
  


Leaning up against the walls is a pair of wooden swords, battered and worn from use.

_Sapnap pressed his back against the smooth stone wall, sliding down and hitting the floor, breathing heavily. He reached for his flask of water, drinking as much water as his throat could manage._

_He looked over at his friend and grinned, watching as Punz pulled the fabric of his white sweatshirt outwards, fanning himself._

_“It’s been too long.” Punz reciprocated the smile, sitting down besides Sapnap._

_“It has indeed.”_

_They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, letting the adrenaline of their sparring match fade and their breath slow._

_“I’m surprised, to be honest: you’ve gotten a lot better. I didn’t recognize some of those moves you pulled- like- where’d you pick up Hypixel technique?”_

_Sapnap nodded his head back towards the farms, where Niki was maintaining their winter crops._

_“That would be Niki, she’s honestly cracked. Taught me a ton about sword usage and whatnot.”_

_“Oh, sweet.”_

_Sapnap hummed his agreement._

_It was true: Hypixel favored quick and light combat, ideal for tournaments and showy displays of skill. Bows and swords were preferable to the heavier axes and crossbows, allowing for more complicated exchanges, and as Niki had learned from Techno, she was partial to that form._

_Him and Punz, along with Dream, George, and a few other people on the server, had learned MCPVP: a rougher technique that favored the axe for harder blows and simpler exchanges. Learning both is clearly advantageous, but most people prefer to just avoid combat situations where their first choice isn’t available._

_Niki had stubbornly forced his hand, and Sapnap had agreed to learn Hypixel to accommodate her. And if the lighter swords and more complicated, intentional footwork allowed him to separate this combat from the fighting he had done before, then it went unacknowledged._

_Sapnap exhaled, testing the words he wanted to say out in his head before he said them._

_“I’ve missed you a lot, Punz.”_

_He had._

_“I’ve missed you too.”_

_Taking that as a cue to go on, Sapnap continued. “And, I- I guess I wanted you to know that, if you need help, or anything, I’m here.”_

_Punz’s eyes widened slightly, but he stayed silent._

_“You don’t have to side with Dream if you don’t want to, you don’t have to be a mercenary if you don’t want to, ok? We can help- or protect you, I guess.” Punz still didn’t say anything, and Sapnap’s nerves began to catch up with him as he trailed off, wondering if he’d upset the man._

_He looked down nervously. “Ne-Nevermind, that was a stupid thing to say- just forget I said any-”_

_Sapnap is cut off by Punz placing a hand on his shoulder._

_“No, I appreciate the gesture, man. I might just take you up on that, someday.”_

_Relief flooded through Sapnap_

_“Ok. That’s good. I don’t know why I wanted to tell you that, I guess I just didn’t want you to feel- alone, y’know. I don’t know what I would have done without-”_

_“Niki?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_And with that, Punz pushed himself up off the ground, holding a hand out to Sapnap._

_He looked at it questioningly. “What?”_

_Punz grinned and grabbed his arm, pulling him up into a standing position as Sapnap held his free arm out to steady himself._

_“Ready for another round?”_

  
  


But perhaps the biggest change, in all of the little ways his universe has realigned itself, is George.

George, who stops by more days than he doesn’t. Who spends his time begging Niki to set up an ender porter so he doesn’t have to walk so often, to which Niki replies that if he really wants to, he can do it himself. Who leaves his chessboard on their coffee table and begs Sapnap to play with him because he knows he’ll win.

George, who Sapnap had forgotten how much he _liked_ , under all the bickering and tension, because he’s calm, analytical, and when he tells jokes he tries his best to keep a straight face, despite the fact that you can see his eyes glimmering as he holds back a laugh.

George, who, sans Dream, is so _different._ Louder, maybe? No. More confident? Not exactly. Just, an individual. Separate. Without a person to look to when his punchlines drop, trying to see if he was laughing, subconsciously drifting towards him in every conversation.

Maybe, just maybe, Sapnap had been jealous. A little. Of who, he wasn’t sure. Of what, he wasn’t sure. 

But that barrier was gone now, and George was here, and their relationship won’t be defined by him anymore.

Slowly but surely, George becomes another permanent fixture in the ecosystem of their home: he brings them mushrooms and herbs from his own gardens and picks up cooking faster than Sapnap did. He gets along with Niki well, which shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was.

It takes only two nights where the weather is too harsh and the wind too strong for George to go home, two nights where he winds up in a mess of blankets on their couch, for Sapnap to relent and start making him a room of his own.

His headboard is carved with lilacs, George’s favorite, and the fierce hug he gives him when he sees it makes the whole project worth it. 

  
  
  
  


With George comes consistent knowledge of the outside world, kept at a safe distance. Oftentimes when he visits he’ll list out the happenings of the world, stories both big and small. He’ll talk about businesses that have cropped up, new running jokes he does his best to describe, whether a mysterious anarchist has shown his face recently.

But sometimes, he comes home and everything about his posture suggests defeat. His eyes are weary, his hair disheveled from his hands running through them.

Sometimes, he appears in the dead of night.

He nods once at Niki, sat by the fireplace with her knitting, and trudges over to his bed, falling into it, hoping sleep will claim him here.

Sometimes, he won’t want to talk about the outside world very much at all.

When he does talk, on those nights, by the fireside with Niki, he talks about Dream. Sapnap can tell he’s trying for apathy, but the effort doesn’t reach his hands, rendering them stiff or even fidgety as he talks about how he seems to visit Tommy quite often.

But most of the time, thankfully, Dream does not haunt their conversations. He tells Sapnap about New L’manburg, and Sapnap does his best to remember that he technically _is_ their enemy still, and does his best not to fantasize about ice cream shops and floating lanterns.

He wonders what it would have changed if he had supported Wilbur and Tommy, back then when the conflict was still petty and small. He could have allowed himself to be swept up into Wilbur’s storytelling and singing, in Tommy’s overflowing energy that he lent to people with reckless abandon, in Tubbo’s earnest kindness. 

He wouldn’t have admitted it, but he thought Wilbur was funny, even when he wasn’t supposed to.

_“Yooooooo suck it, green boyyyyyy!”_

_Whoops of victory and peals of laughter broke from the battered crew of L’manburgians, standing proudly upon a beat up van._

_Sapnap could see their giddiness, the way they clung on to each other for dear life- cheeks flushed, voices hoarse from screaming, arms thrown into the air and around their loved ones._

_Wilbur was grinning widely, at_ him, _a cocky look that made Sapnap feel like he was in on some sort of inside joke. Suddenly, Sapnap was smirking too, nodding to their victory chants. They had lost, but it wasn’t such a big deal, because they were_ so happy _, and the small parcel of land meant nothing to Sapnap but everything to them._

_Until, of course, he had looked over and seen Dream scowling bitterly, hand gripping his axe firmly, and schooled his expression into indifference._

_Wilbur had looked away, then, almost disappointed._

_Huh._

Sapnap would like to think he would have been a good revolutionary, but it was too late for that now. 

Instead, he finds the same warmth in snowball fights with Niki and George in the forest above their home, in flower bouquets, sparring, and chess matches. He begins to construct a tapestry of people around him, safe and comforting. A different kind of revolution, he supposes.

It’s a late night, as it always is, when it all goes to shit.

  
  
  
  


Niki, George, and Sapnap are collapsed around the living room, blankets strewn about. Niki is lounging in her arm chair, giggling softly at a bad joke George just made. Said offender is huddled up close to the smoldering fireplace, bundled in a nest of blankets. Sapnap himself is laying on the couch, face pressed against the pillows.

It had been a game night, one they had dragged Tubbo, Fundy, Punz, and Puffy into- the lineup including charades, chess (in which only Fundy and George participated in), and Punz’s elaborate card games only he could understand. The calm atmosphere had slowly dissolved into the kind of yelling that felt fond and exasperated rather than tense, and the night had been a resounding success in Sapnap’s eyes.

However, it _had_ been draining. Hence the collapsing. 

George mumbled something about cleaning up, and Niki groaned in response.

“That was fun- how- how about next time we don’t host, k?”

George and Sapnap hummed an affirmative, and Sapnap smashed his face back against the pillow before resolving to dragging himself upwards.

He walked past Niki, patting her lightly on the head, and over to George, tapping him with his foot. As he moved, he grabbed mugs and glasses, stacking them upon the other to take to the kitchen. 

Niki joined him shortly after, clutching a stack of plates. In silent synchronization they began cleaning, giving no extra energy to unnecessary speech. George remains passed out on the floor, naturally. The rooms are lit dimly as candles have burned out, but it’s more ambient than ominous in the warm tones illuminating corners.

The quiet is comfortable, right up until Sapnap hears Niki stop moving, hears her breath catch. Cold fear shoots electricity through Sapnap’s brain and he walks as fast as he dares to the cavern’s entrance.

Despite his fervent hope for the thought that had occurred to him to be just a bout of paranoia, a familiar figure is striding silently from the doorway, pushing past Niki as she remains completely still.

His footsteps are near impossible to detect.

Sapnap only knows one person like that. 

The person who had fooled him so many times in manhunt, who had used this skill to sneak up behind him so many times to scare him.

“Dream?”  
  


The masked man stopped dead in his tracks.

His voice is monotone and dry, betraying no emotion other than rage.

“Where is Tommy?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_  
  
_

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I've never felt so simultaneously validated and invalidated by canon y'all. Sapnap supremacy but Niki, my beloved, what are you doing.
> 
> As expected, school absolutely killed my motivation to write, but I pushed myself to finish this lol because I'm determined to keep going. Sorry for the wait! On the brightside, I've worked out a lot of the rest of this fic, so there's that. Anyways, how you enjoyed!
> 
> I really appreciate comments, so go crazy, I would love to hear all your thoughts. <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sapnap had pictured the confrontation a thousand times in his head.
> 
> Dream is here, and it's time for a long overdue conversation.

Sapnap had pictured the confrontation a thousand times in his head.

Big, lofty arguments in which he brought up an itemized list of all the little ways Dream had wormed his way into his head. A presentation of all of his worst nightmares with Niki there as a special guest to drive the guilt home, to make Dream _feel_ something, to put a crack in that mask he never seemed to take off anymore.

In these hypotheticals, Sapnap is calm, collected. His points are rational. The words flow smoothly from his tongue in the sincere yet calm tone he could never quite manage. A masterpiece of literature, to be honest, the kind of speech that people wrote down for years to come.

He’d tell Eret to put that one in their museum, mark the day Sapnap had finally had the words for all of his infinite grievances- the tiny little tears in his existential fabric that he knew- _he knew_ , Dream had brought.

And Dream, _well_ , Dream would finally hear him. He would have his mind changed, his reality shifted. Sapnap would be an enlightened scholar- Galileo or Copernicus, perhaps- here to tell Dream that _no,_ the world did not revolve around him, disproving the heliocentric model once and for all.

He would summon Wilbur’s eloquence, his metaphors: how when he talked, people turned their heads and listened. 

The speech on Independence day, Wilbur’s smile from the van- it all rings in his mind.

He would call on Niki’s righteous fury: how her rage had been truly _felt_ by every person at the festival, her cries and their meaning lost on no one, even Schlatt appearing uneasy.

He would embody even Tommy’s bold confidence, his shocking turns of phrase.

_Would ‘Bitch Boy’ be an appropriate way to vent his frustrations? Probably not, but he’s still considering._

But for all his grand planning, Sapnap forgets something: Dream is always the one to catch him off guard, not the other way around. He’s played enough with him to know better, but alas, the mind has a funny way of ignoring the things that do not favor its fantasies.

Thus, when Dream asked the aforementioned question, every useful thought abandoned Sapnap in his time of need. 

“Where’s Tommy?”

“What?”

Sapnap’s voice came out smaller than he intended. More scared, too. Fuck.

Dream started moving again, pushing from the entryway to the kitchen, striding purposefully. The sound of his boots hitting the floor roused Sapnap out of his shock, back into some semblance of coherency.

“Wait- wait- what the fuck, Dream? What’d you mean, ‘Where’s Tommy’”? You can’t just- you can’t just show up here, and- like- you can’t-”

Dream, unaffected by Sapnap’s stammering, begins slamming open doors and cabinets, pushing chairs out of the way. 

“I _know_ he’s here, Sapnap. Where is he?” 

His voice is threatening, dripping with menace, but slightly erratic, unhinged. 

“Dream, what the fuck do you mean? Tommy isn’t here- why would he be here?”

Dream opens the oven and moves his head to look inside, and if the situation wasn’t so terrifying, maybe Sapnap would have laughed because _The oven, Dream? You think I shoved a child in an oven?_

But by the time he’s processed this a new crisis has emerged in the form of Niki storming over to Dream, and attempting to grab his arm- to do what, he doesn’t know. Dream’s arm lashes out shoves Niki backwards, and Sapnap sees her stumble, and finally, _finally_ , he finds his words.

“DREAM!”

He turns his head for a second and Sapnap takes advantage of his attention.

“Tommy. Isn’t. Here.”

“Bullshit.”

“Why would he be here?”

“ _Because,_ he’s not in Logstedshire, and he’s not in L’manburg, and he’s not at Techno’s, unless,'' Dream cuts himself off for a slightly crazed giggle, “unless, he lied to me. But, Sapnap, I don’t think he would _do_ that. So, where is Tommy?”

And the thing is, Sapnap’s seen Dream mad before. He’s one of the most competitive people Sapnap knows, for God’s sake. But if that anger was a steady rainfall, persistent and drenching, this is hail. Realistically, you know they are made of the same substance, but rain has a comfortable familiarity to it, while hail is dangerous and volatile, all spiked edges. 

Sapnap starts slowly moving towards Dream, arms outstretched to separate him and Niki.

“Dream, Tommy isn’t here. I think it’s best you leave.”

He chuckles again, but it’s blatantly hollow. “No, no, no, Sapnap. I need you to tell me where Tommy is.”

Sapnap had always liked how Dream said his name, warm and fond, the way you could hear their history behind it. Now it sounds condescending, almost, the inflection all wrong.

Now Niki steps in: “Dream, Tommy isn’t here.” _Great, he definitely hasn’t heard that one before._ “You need to leave.”

But before Dream gets a chance to repeat his question, Sapnap takes control again.

“Dream, what’s with you, man? Why do you need to know where Tommy is, anyway?”

“He escaped exile, Sapnap. I need him back.”

“What the fuck, man, he’s just a kid!”

“I _need_ him back, ok? Where is he?”

If Sapnap was concerned before, he was downright horrified now.

“Why, though? The kid hasn’t done anything to you? I know he was exiled but if he isn’t in L’manburg I don’t see what the issue-

“HE TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME.” Dream is yelling now, furious, venom spitting from his mouth.

“You did that yourself. No need to take it out on a sixteen year old!” Good, Sapnap thought, that was a good response.

“He was the one who started this war, and he’s the one, who, who gets in my way.”

“Gets in the way of what?”

“ _Control,_ Sapnap. I need control of this server, I need everyone to play their parts and-” He paused to breathe in heavily “-I need things to be how they used to.”

“Too fucking late for that one, dude. I lost hope of things _going back to normal_ when you stopped caring about us! When you- you- starting treating us like _risk factors_ rather than friends!

I JUST NEEDED TO WIN.” His voice reverberated throughout their home. “After that-

“After what, Dream? When were you ever planning on stopping? When you had the whole server under-”

And then Sapnap stopped. 

Because in the back of their small kitchen, rubbing his eyes and ruffling his hair, was George.

And in the front of their small kitchen, rapidly going pale, his anger being replaced with shock, and confusion, and maybe, finally, hurt, was Dream. 

George yawned, blinking heavily, unaware of the situation unfolding. “Why are you guys yelling?” Dawning realization came over him, shaking him into awareness. “Dre- Dream, what are you doing here? How are you here?”

He must have woken up with all the yelling. 

“George?” Dream’s voice is haunted, hoarse. The bravado is gone now. “Why are _you_ here?” He sounds so human that Sapnap’s heart involuntarily aches for him, despite his best efforts.

George’s eyes widened slightly, and he moved to take a step forward but hesitated. “I’ve been staying here, I guess. I didn’t really want to- I don’t know- I missed him.”

“And not me?”

“You were busy, Dream. You left.” The consciousness is now fully bleeding into his tone, the sleep shaking off of it and replaced by the cold apathy he shielded himself with.

“I had to- George- you can’t seriously be leaving me too.”

George’s gaze is unflinching and an answer in itself.

Sapnap watches as Dream’s momentary vulnerability slowly fades, falling back into his own persona made for shielding- an apathy akin to a thick sleet falling over a town. 

The intricacy of their rituals had never failed to amaze him, they way they threw up walls so easily, dancing around each other in a pattern of defenses and deflections that only they know how to break down.

He wondered if Niki could decipher it, or if this was a knowledge exclusively reserved for those who had grown up with the pair. 

Dream initiated. “Well then. You guys are so clearly happier without me here, in this cave-”

“You _know_ that’s not true.” George responds, tired.

“Isn’t it?”

No one said a word.

Dream sighed. “Listen, if you just help me find Tommy again, it can be like it used to. We can move back into the community house, and go fishing, and go on adventures again. _All we need_ , is to find Tommy, and bring him back to Logstedshire.”

And Sapnap will hate himself for it later, but for a moment, just a moment he considers. Naively hopes that Dream was moved by their presence, that he was being honest.

But.

For all that Niki does not understand the intricacies of Dream and George, she has seen all the inner workings of Sapnap. She saw his resolve falter and threw a life line.

“No.” Short and insistent. Confident.

“What?”

“No. You don’t get to do this again. You weren’t there. I won’t- I won’t let you hurt him again. I won’t do it. I don’t want to pick up the pieces of what you left behind because you care more about your wars than your friends.” Her voice is wavering, but strong and clear, and _honest_.

It breaks Sapnap out of whatever trance Dream had pulled over him: an umbrella in the storm. 

“Niki-” In contrast, Dream’s voice is controlled, smooth. Hollow.

“ _No_. You weren’t there. You didn’t see his nightmares.” She shakily pointed a finger at Dream. “He could barely hold a _sword_ , for _months_ , without seeing the battles you started. How does it feel, Dream? To know you’re the source of the monsters that plague him. Are you proud?”

“I-”  
“ _No,_ you’re going to listen. You pushed Eret to betray L’manburg, you pushed Wilbur to blow it up, you’re manipulating Tommy now, and you Don’t. Get. Another. One. Understand? I won’t let you.

“I won’t lose another person to you. I won’t.”  
Dream’s sudden laugh was low and unnerving.

“Sapnap, you wouldn’t really choose Niki over me, would you?” Oh God.

“I know George wouldn’t of course, but you’ve always been weaker to certain, let’s say, comforts.”

“The fuck do you mean, Dream.”

“ _Well_ , this is a nice cave, isn’t it? I bet Niki’s very nice to you, huh. I’ll bet you’ve gotten very comfortable here, avoiding your past. Not making decisions”

Dream walked around the kitchen slowly, scrutinizing his surroundings with a sense of distaste. He ran his fingers over the carvings Sapnap labored over for hours, and he felt the weirdest urge to pull Dream’s hand away- this wasn’t a place made for him. Dream picked up a mug, his eyes darkening slightly as he observed it.

“Aw, it has your name on it, that’s so cute.”

He let it drop to the floor. The mug shattered.

Sapnap felt a lump of wet anger in his throat, so fucking _frustrated_ that he was letting Dream do this again, just standing there.

“Listen, Sapnap. We know eventually you’ll help me- you always do. You did during the War of Independence, during the fight with Pogtopia, and you will help me now. You’ll come back.”

Dream’s voice had shifted into a new flavor, smug and self-satisfied, like he thought he had already won. Suddenly, it was George being dethroned all over again, and Sapnap wanted to run away.

“You can’t pretend like you’re _peaceful_ all of a sudden.”

He wanted to leave.

“You know this is just temporary.”

Why did he think he could ever separate himself from Dream?

“Sapnap, Niki doesn’t really care about you. Only George and I _really_ know you. Do you think Niki would still let you stay if she knew what you’d done?”

This was Dream’s final blow, his crowning moment. Hit Sapnap where it hurt, pull out the guilt tripping. Simple. It had worked before.

But no.

Not this time. Not again.

Because Sapnap was, and maybe always would be, radically unsure of himself, untrusting of his own capabilities. Always anxious, wishing he could just avoid any and all decisions. He had always followed Dream, afraid to make the wrong choice, fallen prey to apathy rather than taking responsibility and autonomy for himself. 

But as Niki knew Sapnap, Sapnap knew Niki. And in that moment, he knew that she would never hurt him. And that was enough. Dream hadn’t accounted for that.

“You know what, Dream? I think I’ll stay.”

“Yeah, ok-” Dream scoffed, but Sapnap could hear the nerves in his voice.

“I like it here, Dream. I like _myself_ here. I like carving, and- and boardgame nights, and sparring, and all the things we never do together anymore. I don’t want to fight in your petty wars, and I know, _God_ I know, I can’t stop you from doing that, but I won’t support you in it any longer. This is my home now.”

Sapnap’s eyes were glistening, and he was fairly sure he was shaking. The anger was flooding out of him, bit by bit, replaced by something like pride.

“And, I love Niki!” Sapnap ran his hand through his hair. “And she doesn’t care how messy, or hurt I am. And yes, she _does_ know what I’ve done, and she knows that’s not who I am anymore. And she’s funny, and talented, and so fucking similar to you sometimes that it hurts, Dream.” He had never admitted before, but there it was.

“And there’s another universe where we could have fixed things, you know? Where you just let it go, let Tommy go. Because I think you need to. It’s hurting you, and it’s hurting everyone else, and the worst part is that I don’t think you care at this point.”

He took a deep breath, preparing himself.

“So, no, I won’t help you find Tommy. I’m going to stay here, and clean up after a night with my friends, and not let you ruin this for me.

“Now, I’ll ask you this, Dream. Would you like to leave on your own, or do you need to be escorted?”

The shock painting Dream’s face was one that Sapnap would never forget.

Dream laughed nervously. “George- I mean George, surely, surely you’ll come with me. Please?”

George’s face was unreadable, emotionless, and for once, Sapnap was grateful for it.

“Dream, I think it’s time you go.”

And with that, the battle was won. The queen had made its move.

Dream nodded, once, and slowly began walking away. The shattered cup lay forgotten on the floor as Sapnap, George, and Niki held their breath. 

Dream’s walk was stiff and robotic, clearly betraying some amount of anger, but he said nothing more.

It wasn’t until his footsteps stopped echoing up the stairs that they found it in themselves to move again. The tension slowly thawed out of the cavern. George let out a whistle. Niki gave a small smile and a comment.

“I can’t believe we just did that.” 

George looked at Sapnap tentatively to find silent tears running down his face, and moved to hug him. Niki followed suit, and they slowly sank into the ground, a pile of limbs and shaky grins.

Sapnap sniffled, wiping his nose against the sleeve of his sweater.

“He broke my mug, that bastard.”

They all laughed a little at that, so relieved that this was their biggest concern right now.

“It’s ok.” Niki ran a hand down his back, a familiar and soothing gesture. George grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

“We can make you another.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm not a dteam fic writer, I don't know how this happened. I hope you enjoyed though, this was the scene I'd been trying to get to since I started this!
> 
> I really appreciate comments, so go crazy, I would love to hear all your thoughts. <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are better, if he ignores that part that isn’t.

Time passes. 

George’s hair grows longer to match Sapnaps, flopping gently over his glasses.

The city grows along with it, becoming a maze of spindly tunnels and warmly lit rooms, a home so explicitly designed for only its residents to understand.

Niki bakes. Sapnap carves. George starts bringing little potted pots that can grow without direct sunlight and lines the walls with them. Game nights continue.

They’re happy.

Niki still misses Wilbur with everything she has, something fierce and burning, and refuses to believe Fundy’s fairy tales about a particular ghost in a yellow sweater. Every now and then, Sapnap’s hands still shake when he picks up a sword, and there are times when George hides behind a wall of emotionlessness that no one can break.

But- it’s better. 

He could still remember the early days of the server, when it was all in good fun, laughing and running and burning down trees without a care for the consequences. It was the frenzied, adrenaline-fueled, late-spring bloom of friendship, bold teenagers who wholeheartedly believed they were infinite.

It felt strange to have reclaimed that for himself, some small semblance, some jumbled mixture of adulthood and child-like glee. Something quieter, softer, more earnest and even hesitant at times, but accompanied with the same lightness of heart that he thought he would never feel again.

George’s hair flops into his eyes, and Sapnap’s hands grow better with a chisel, and Niki picks up a guitar for the first time since November 16th.

Her melodies echo throughout the cavern, fragmented and broken pieces at first that eventually heal into full songs. It’s all anthems, and love songs, and lullabies, all Wilbur’s, all ones that they recognize, until it isn’t. Eventually, it’s new patterns, new keys and notes and lyrics: loud, rowdy songs for drinking, quiet ballads for the crops, and songs made for George and Sapnap’s dancing.

George sings when he wouldn’t before, when it used to take Wilbur’s pleas and voices that could drown him out to sing at all.

The winter passes.

Snow melts. 

Things are better.

  
  
  
  


Dream doesn’t come back. It’s almost scarier that way. His presence haunted the city for a few weeks, finding itself in opening doors and held breaths when silence settled. Sapnap doesn’t know what he expected, to be honest.

“You keep staring at the door.” 

Niki sat down opposite to him at their table, sipping from a mug, hair loosely thrown into a bun.

“I try not to.”

“I know.”

A quiet stretched out over them. Sapnap fiddled with a small piece of wood.

“I guess- I don’t like how things ended. Or that it feels like an ending.”

Niki listened intently, beckoning him to speak.

“I don’t like that Tommy is still out there, and that we’re still in here. He’s just a kid, y’know, and Dream is, like, possessive, of him. It scares me.”   
Niki sighed, and placed her hand gently on Sapnap’s, running her thumb over his palm.

“Sapnap, Tommy’s always going to be getting himself into some sort of trouble, ok? He’s pretty resilient, I’m sure he’ll be ok.”

Sapnap nodded, thickly swallowing. “I guess. It’s just, I get a weird vibe from how Dream talked about him. I didn’t think Tommy would be exiled for this long, or that he’d take it so seriously.” He gazed down at the table, tracing its patterns with his eyes.

“Hasn’t Dream always been like this, though? Tommy will be fine.” Niki’s voice is soothing, reassuring.

He wanted to protest, to argue. But Sapnap didn’t know how to explain quite how wrong it feels, to explain how it feels more serious, less controlled. He gave a faint smile.

“You’re probably right.”

And Niki must have sensed his discomfort, because she squeezed his hand softly. “I know you want to help, but I don’t want to lose you. If I thought that Tommy was in serious danger, or this wasn’t a typical situation he would get himself into, I’d share your concern.”

She bent over the table, using her free hand to poke him playfully on his nose. “You don’t need to play the hero, here, Sap. It’s ok to let yourself be happy.”

He grinned despite himself, calmed by her confidence, and swatted her hand away.

Tommy was probably fine, there was no need to worry.

  
  
  
  


The chess pieces sat, unmoving. George buried his head in his hands, groaning.

“For God’s sake- just move! Please, you’re killing me.”

“What? Oh- sorry.” Sapnap shook himself out of his thoughts, pushing his pawn forward.

“Anddddd, he leaves his bishop wide open.” George toppled the piece with his own, smirking to himself with a sense of satisfaction.

Giving an annoyed huff, Sapnap looked at the board, trying to determine if he could somehow salvage the game. But as he stared at his predicament, his thoughts seemed unable to arrange themselves into anything helpful, drawing him back into contemplation.

_ What could he move- what could he pressure- what-  _

_ Surely Tommy’s fine, right? _

_ Surely people would notice if things got too bad. _

_ Surely no one needed his help. _

_ He wanted to move pieces, but any place he went seemed to leave someone unguarded, unsafe. _

_ Trapped between rendering himself vulnerable, abandoning Niki, if only temporarily, and staying but knowing that Tommy was stranded and cornered. _

_ There were no good moves to make. _

Remembering that it was in fact, his turn, Sapnap went to take a pawn.

George looked at him quizzically before silently grabbing his knight, another piece he had left undefended.

“Ok. I’ll bite. What’s up with you?”

“What’d you mean?”

George gestured at the chessboard between them. “I know you’re trash at this game, but this is scarily bad, even for you.”

“I’ve been- I’ve got a lot on my mind, is all.” He tried in vain to sound nonchalant, tracing the edge of the board with his fingers.

“Is it about Tommy?” Sapnap’s gaze shot up to find George’s stare, dark eyes soft but unflinching.

“Maybe.”

“I get it.” George gave a small laugh. “I want to believe everything is fine, but it’s-”

“Dream.”

“Yeah.”

“It doesn’t seem like he’s letting exile be a casual affair, does it?”

“Nope. And I have no idea what to do about it.” It was all so frustrating, to feel for the first time in so long that he was no longer tethered to another person, only to find himself caught yet again.

George sighed. “Then don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t do anything. You don’t have to. Tommy has other allies.” It sounded so simple that way, so easy.

“But you- you just said that you were worried about Tommy!” 

“Yeah, but what are we gonna do?” George shrugged, his posture loose and relaxed. “We can’t control Dream anymore than he can control us. What can we do against him?”

And Sapnap wanted to say that  _ that wasn’t the point of it, that’s not why. _ But he didn’t, because it sounded dumb to rush into a situation he didn’t understand when George put it that way.

He nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

“I always am.” And with that, George began pulling pieces off the board, sweeping all manner of queens and bishops and traps and questions into the box where they resided.

  
  
  
  
  


Things are better, if he ignores that part that isn’t.

  
  


Sapnap awoke with a heavy breath, hands, pushed- clenched- against his bed sheets.

Adrenaline was bleeding through him, rendering him hyper aware of his surroundings and his eyes open wide, surveying the darkened room.

Niki laid fast asleep just a few feet away, her face calm with sleep, buried in soft blankets and pillows. He knew George was in a similar state in the next room over. 

Dragging his hand over his face, Sapnap tried to steady his breathing and reclaim some semblance of drowsiness, to shake the nightmare out of his head.

He slid out of bed, blankets carelessly dragging on the floor.

_ Another nightmare. But this one was different. _

He’d make some tea.

_ Tommy’s face burned in his mind, youthful features twisted in sadness and anger. _

He trudged past Niki, not bothering to wake her.

_ Mournful pleading, asking -no- begging, for Sapnap to help him. _

His feet took him to the kitchen, uncomfortably cold against the wood of the floor.

_ Far taller than him, but so, so, small now, shaking hands as he cried out, piercing blue eyes boring into his soul. _

Sapnap’s subconscious guided him towards the counters, before the nightmare overwhelmed him and he pressed up against them to stay standing.

_ He was stuck to the ground, unable to move as he always was, trying and failing to walk towards Tommy, to comfort him. Tommy’s face was contorted by fear, anger, sadness, a torrent of emotion flooding towards Sapnap as he was powerless to ease either of their pain. _

_ “Why did you leave me?” _

_ And it’s so  _ Tommy,  _ that it hurts. This voice is the same one that was once brazen and bold, made for swear words and empty threats and whoops of joy, not this sad, pitiful tone. _

_ “You knew what Dream would do to me.” _

_ “You abandoned me, just like you abandon everything else.” _

_ Malice began to fill his words. _

_ “You’re no better than Dream, just a shell hiding away and pretending like everything is fine-” _

_ “-how could you stay safe when you  _ knew  _ that I was here-” _

_ “-spineless, useless, cowardly-” _

_ And Sapnap wanted so badly to protest, to argue his case, but his lips were glued shut, his feet locked to the ground, his hands frozen to his sides. This was his burden to bear. _

Sapnap sank to the floor, collapsing inwards on himself.

He knew, he  _ knew, _ that things were worse than Dream had let on. If that made him paranoid- fine.

Moving on was all well and good, but not when people were collateral damage.

He could ask George and Niki their thoughts all he wanted, but it would never sooth the alarm bells in his mind.

For a moment, Sapnap let the overwhelming guilt of it all wash over him, all the fear of an inevitable decision- the knowledge that he could no longer prolong this choice.

It was terrifying, but strangely calming to admit to himself what he had known all along. Sapnap knew this move would be his own choice, his moment to pay back a small amount of the strength he had earned.

He stood up. Wiped his eyes. Walked back over to his bed. Crawled in it.

Sapnap laid there, feeling sleep beginning to take hold of his consciousness, cocooned in furs, comfortable in his home.

In another place, a child clutches to a single blanket, shielded from the elements by only a thin tent. 

In the end, the choice was simple.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter, and a bit of a shorter one. Idk if I like it very much, but it's there and that's what's important to me right now.

**Author's Note:**

> Trying my hand at something a little more long-form, since I have a lot to say about this dynamic. This is definitely less canon compliant than what I usually go for, but seeing as Niki and Sapnap kind of have gaps in their stories where not much is happening, I thought it was a nice place to insert this tale. I'll try to update at least once a week, but alas school is unpredictable and may force my hand.
> 
> I really appreciate comments, so go crazy, I would love to hear all your thoughts. <3
> 
> p.s. If you got the book reference I snuck in, comment it lol, also we have similar taste in books


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